Bude

(I’ll be very honest in writing this one)

Last week my lil sister sent an sms, told me that she’s pregnant. She asked me and Papa S, ”siap siap jd bude ama pakde yah mbak” Heart and mind, I knew I’m very happy to hear this. Ibu Bapak tentunya sudah sejak lama pingin punya cucu. Dan bagi Bapak yg sedang sakit, dari dulu Mama I berpikir, happy thought of having a grandchild somehow could be the remedy. Selain itu, pastinya beban pikiran Mama I berkurang banyak.. (iya, saya memang tukang mikir, Papa S pun setuju kalo Mama I seringgg mikir macem2, imagination become too wild sometimes :p).

Pikiran nomer satu, ya itu tadi, I know parents been waiting for the grandchild to come. Walopun ya, sama sekali tidak pernah ada desakan, baik dr ibu bpk Jakarta (Mama I’s) dan ibu bpk Surabaya (Papa S’s). Pikiran nomer 2, Mama I kadang kuatir, apa blm datangnya adik bayi krn penyebab genetis. Secara skrg lil sister alhamdulillah hamil, Mama I cukup lega, coz we share the same gen, right? Seperti memunculkan harapan bahwa Mama I pun insyaallah secara genetis baik2 saja. Nah, hilangnya 2 kekuatiran ini, mudah2an nantinya berakibat baik bagi hati, pikiran, dan fisik saya.

However, though I know I’m very happy, I also cried that day. Only Papa S saw me crying. Same as the happy feeling, this is too an honest reaction. Mama mama yg juga sedang menunggu, pasti tahu persis apa yg saya rasakan. Sudah coba ditahan, sudah coba berpikir sehat (ehem, dulu kata tes IQ, mama I logikanya cukup baik :D), still I cant stop tears from falling. Really mixed feeling, confusing… Ada rasa gagal, ada kecewa. Perhaps ada jelousy jg kali ya :p. Dan di atas itu, ada rasa bersalah, krn denger kabar gembira kok malah nangis. Papa S hug me, sayin nothin, but I guess he knew how I feel. I’m glad he’s there at the time.

Alhamdulillah saat itu engga pake lama nangisnya. Pas weekend, rugi dipake sedih2. Abis nangis, ngobrol sebentar dgn Papa S, cerita aja semua yg Mama I rasa, udahnya jadi lega. Dan makin lega setelah ketemu dgn ibu bpk dan adik. Semua ngobrol normal aja, engga ada yg lebai Mama I sblm nya kuatir ga bs ngobrol tentang ini kalo org2 menunjukkan reaksi kasihan atau apalah yg negatif. Ternyata engga! Just me being worried too much. And the thought that (insyaallah) we’ll have lil baby in the family is overwhelming. Sueneeenngg🙂

At the end, insyaallah kami terus mencoba utk ikhlas. Usaha semaksimal mungkin, dan pasrahkan hasilnya pada Allah. We think this should be stress free method. So are you with us? Wish us luck ya.

Pakde S dan Bude I, hows that sound?🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: